When you read about different relationship structures such as swinging, hotwife, cuckolding one of the biggest fears is the wife catching feelings for another man. Falling for them. These relationships are about sexual exploration, enjoying casual sex and a lot of it.
My wife and I have found ourselves in a situation where she has developed strong feelings for another man. Both of them are in love. I don’t think it is avoidable to expect a woman to have sex with other men and not get affections for a sex partner.
I guess it is what you choose to do once those affections are felt. My wife ran with them with new relationship energy. I didn’t stop her. It made her happy and I like her happy. She also loved the sex.
Watching it happen, I stayed fairly silent. A lot of it aroused me. Watching her fall in love with another man. I also have had a lot of fears, envy and many emotions. The bad part is I hold them in until I need to run away, need to protect myself.
Outside the bedroom I am not submissive. I would not have survived this world for the last 45 years if I did not learn how to protect myself. My sexuality, my differing opinions of society’s beliefs. Hardened from life, I guess you can say.
My wife says I have been living in poly under duress. A person who agrees to polyamory because they love their partner, forced, not being poly themselves.
We never discussed her falling in love with another man, what it would look like for our relationship. It just happened. She ran with it, I quietly supporting her in duress. Her waiting for me to make a choice. A choice I am not willing to make. To tell her she can’t be polyamorous.
So I have done what I always do. I am a knowledge seeker. I have read every book on polyamory. I understand a lot of it. I get it. Much of it I also think devalues marriage and I question why be married in the first place? Some of it seems very selfish to me. It can also be argued it is the opposite of selfish. To prioritize your own emotional growth while also supporting you partners’ personal journeys. An intentional way of sharing love, intimacy, and support with multiple partners in an open and ethical manner.
For me I have been feeling I have been living in what they call Poly Hell. It has led me to personal growth and self-discovery. Also, a lot of confusion. We have redefined our relationship boundaries. Not just a cuckold and a hotwife. She has a boyfriend, a person she feels love for. Has spent nights with and has had an emotional and sexual relationship with.
Poly hell is a term used in the polyamorous community to describe a period of intense emotional turmoil or difficulty experienced during the process of adapting to a polyamorous lifestyle. It is a feeling of being overwhelmed and stressed due to the challenges of managing multiple romantic relationships.
Poly hell can involve feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and fear, as well as difficulty expressing one’s needs and boundaries. However, many individuals in the polyamorous community believe that navigating through the challenges of poly hell can lead to personal growth and deeper, more satisfying relationships.
So I have been navigating through it for two years. It has caused personal growth. For me, it has been a period of unhappiness mixed with peaks of arousal. Maybe that is the cuckolds poly hell. We get off on the sexual aspects of our partners being with other men.
In cuckolding you have the opportunity for complete honesty. Cuckolding, involves one partner experiencing sexual pleasure while the other partner watches or even participates. You are included in it, it is sexual play for the wife and the cuckold husband. While it may seem taboo or even offensive to some, cuckolding can provide a safe and healthy way for couples to explore new levels of intimacy and sexual expression. By allowing both partners to have control and communicate their desires openly, feelings of possessiveness and jealousy can be overcome, resulting in a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.
I have felt this with my wife being a hotwife.
The hard thing for me is a polyamorous relationship is romantic and emotional. My wife wants her privacy. To have private moments, exchanges, connections with her boyfriend that don’t include me. When I find out about them, it feels like she has cheated on me. I am not saying she has. It is how it feels. That the honesty of our relationship has been betrayed and devalued.
So over the last 2 years I have started to not trust her. As she feels more in love with me for supporting her and understanding her, I feel more disconnected from her. Finding out he told her he loves her without her openly telling me, then that they messaged eachother that they loved each-other and she deleted those text to hide it from me. Over a year later finding out they have been having private conversations every Tuesday and Thursday blocked off on both their work schedules. Her calling him and on face time while away visiting her mom and not me. The private little text when they wake-up before I am awake. When they go to bed. The camming with eachother without my knowledge after she says goodnight to me.
You see, for me, a meaningful connection in a romantic relationship implies an ability to discuss anything with my partner. Anything at all, including her relationships with other people — romantic or not. She has to decide if something she does in private with her boyfriend should be shared with me and how I will react to it. She worries about hurting me. This all seems very manipulative to me. I should be able to decide what I am okay with and what I am not. Those are my boundaries.
Sometimes I really want to talk to someone. To have someone to talk to about my own emotions and that can not be my wife. Someone who is supportive of my feelings or listens and gives me advice on this. I don’t want it to be a therapist. So I think to myself, maybe I need a girlfriend? Maybe I need to be poly.
The fact is I don’t want a girlfriend. I am a cuckold. I love my wife, she is my goddess, and she is the only woman I want sexually and emotionally. I love casual sex but I don’t want to be in love with another person.
So I can’t really fully understand Polyamory and how it has redefined our marriage boundaries. In multiple relationships, everyone involved needs to be okay with the same level of sharing. If one person wants to keep things private and the others — not so much, one or more of those relationships could eventually break.
Her boyfriend has never been open to the same level of sharing as me. I have never even seen them have sex. So I have let go of my own sexual values to support theirs.
I am not strong enough yet to be okay with their need for privacy. My need is for open honesty and sharing life together. What I have learned is what I feel is lying, cheating and being dishonest is my wife’s need for that privacy.
I do have a choice. We all do. I don’t have to stay in the relationship. I can leave or I can choose to continue to work on myself and be supportive. Get out of poly hell.
My wife has a choice. She can break up with her boyfriend. Refrain from being poly.
It is hard for me. I feel she will just lean more into the privacy she likes and cheat on me.
The funny thing is I have nothing against the guy she is with. I have no bad feelings towards him, would not speak badly about him other than our differences in relationships.
In the last month, we also expanded our cuckolding boundaries with my wife on tinder. I enjoy her having casual sex. I can even see a friend with benefits scenario. Then isn’t that really what she has? Isn’t that really what a polyamorous relationship is that has a primary partner?
I don’t have answers. I only have my thoughts that I have to live with. My wife asked me if our relationship can be repaired?
Our relationship can definitely be repaired, but it will take time and effort from both of us. It is important to identify the issues that led to the damage and work towards resolving them together. This involves honest communication, active listening, and a willingness to compromise. This is the same thing that all open relationships require. It is what is required when you redefine your relationship boundaries.
One thought on “Redefine Your Relationship Boundaries With Polyamory And Cuckolding.”
I so deeply appreciate your writing my love. -mrs.