Day 12 PIV Free

The last 6 days of PIV Free have been easy. My wife has been on her menstrual cycle and I have been having a lot of cuckold angst with a couple of knowledge bombs that I have had a hard time mentally processing. I have not been sexually turned on all week. I have also been getting very little sleep.

The first is my wife doesn’t share much about the day-to-day text and conversations with her boyfriend even though I have told her multiple times that I find the little flirty chats they have hot when she talks about them. It actually comforts me and keeps my anxiety down. She says there is not anything hot to share even though they are sexting almost daily.

The knowledge bomb was she told me they have weekly calls on their calender on the same days and times during the work week and this is something they have had arranged for well over a year. They block it off on their work schedules.

It was not a surprise to me that they talk on the phone. I already knew that. She will talk with him while I am home although I have a feeling she doesn’t like it. It surprised me that she had not shared this with me that it is an ongoing scheduled call. This knowledge bomb annoyed me a little. I just can’t figure out why she wants to keep this relationship with him more private as this has been something we have always enjoyed together.

The second one is what set my brain off. She had a phone notification from her boyfriend with my name on it. I did not read the message because it was unread. I could only see the first line where my name was. I do not know what the message said because my wife deleted it. A pattern she has of hiding their communications from me. Even though she tells me they are not trying to do anything shady or deceive me. The hard thing for me is I know he would leave his wife in a second for mine. I know they talk about trips with eachother and it just causes me a lot of angst and fear of my wife and my relationship. I also am losing trust in my wife. She used to share everything with me and it hurts me and how I look at our marriage when I’m losing trust in her.

I know I can make our marriage work and still be loving without trusting her. It is just difficult.

I can’t talk to my wife about it because she looks at it as a violation and that she can’t trust me if I look at her phone. I guess we both are losing trust. I feel if you need to delete your texts, emails before your significant other comes across them, it’s a sign that your correspondence is not exactly platonic or honest. That if you are deleting telling yourself your partner will misinterpret or overreact, this only serves to prove that you are intentionally engaging in an activity that goes against your partner’s wishes.

So I have been in a slump.

Then I have my wife who turns me on all day in her sexy clothing and hot body walking around the house.

I think to myself, I just want their relationship to end and be done already. I’m excited because my wife might have the opportunity to play with a new guy or two next weekend which I think could be a lot of fun for both of us and a needed mental and sexual break from her boyfriend.

Then I think to myself, she should go on Tinder, fuck she is so fucking hot I love it. Laughing in my head, I’m not supposed to be sexually attractive to her right now, I’m upset. Then I am on my computer shopping for sexy new clothes for her.

It is an emotional roller coaster.

Her falling in love with another man has been a mental struggle for me and has and continues to certainly bring on challenges. Before this I was trying to wrap my head around getting on board with them doing a weekend trip with each other.

Then as much angst and mental challenges it has created when I am honest with myself. I really like it. I like that she has a boyfriend. I like that they love each other and both arouse me. It is just all hard to handle.

I think it has been a positive step forward, acknowledging it is not just about sex for her and us but also relationships and that my wife has a lot of sex and love to give in abundance.

It can be scary but it is also clear she is the happiest she has been in a long time and she seems to love me even more than ever or puts in the energy to communicate that this all doesn’t work without me. I am her rock and because she has me she is able to experience this.

She also says this is not a guy that she would have dated or fell in love with because he would not be a good life partner like I am.

He is a good boyfriend and sex partner. She doesn’t have to worry about red flags like in a normal relationship when trying to find a life partner, so her having a relationship with this type of guy now works because she has me.

She also LOVES how he fucks her.

The redflag that he wants to be with my wife exclusively, I’m not sure I can get over. Them communicating behind my back and having conversations that they feel merit deleting I won’t be able to deal with. Even more so knowing they are about me.

So I am out of my chastity trying to find myself. Still turned on thinking about my wife fucking other men, including her boyfriend but lost once again mentally in cuckold angst. Being PIV free is pretty easy right now.

I’m sure my next update will be more positive. This is how I work through things. I write them out as openly and honestly as I can in the moment then reflect.