My wife and I were laying in bed yesterday evening having a glass of wine. Making small talk. I was asking her what her plans are for next week with her boyfriend. She has been planning on visiting him mid-week. She said something along the lines that she had made no concrete plans. Sounding like maybe she was choosing not to go.
I left it at that and we spent some time planning our own family time together for next weekend, which is a holiday. We are excited about our plans and will visit a mountain lake, playing in the snow with our kids and hiking to a hot spring. She and I also are going to try to sneak away to a spa for an hour of relaxing time together and maybe some naughty teasing of eachother if we can get away with it.
She sensed my anxiety this past week. Our relationship has been good, very loving, and close. My mind has been drifting a lot, though. I don’t go through depression, but I worry a lot and think deeply. We talked about it. What has been making me anxious? How this relationship she is currently in with this other man is so different from anything we have done in the past. Honestly, just talking about it has been of a relief.
Some cuckolds like angst. I really don’t. When I feel anxiety it makes it hard for me to stop worrying. Analyzing and trying to come to conclusions in my head. I get an urge to self-protect and am still learning to surrender control to trust and faith.
It feels good sharing my fears with my wife and I know how much she loves me and wants to spend her life with me. I also believe she has only positive intent in the things she does.
I love her more than anything and I think a lack of communication has caused the anxiety and uncertainty I have been feeling. As well as losing trust in our communication. Communication such as my wife and I discussing what our shared future looks like. Being aligned with our dreams and goals. As well as using her relationship with him to enhance our own with teasing and play. Sharing with me not blocking me out.
Our conversation last night reminded me how confident I am that she and I have similar values and beliefs that ensure we grow together, not apart.
Some may be reading this and saying to themselves, your wife causes it by having a boyfriend, another man she loves. Your marriage is in trouble – love, lust and sex will pull her away.
My wife doesn’t like when I feel anxiety or angst. It makes her forget all the positive moments and only focus on the handful of negative moments.
She said to me last night that sometimes she feels it is not worth it – all of this. Being non-monogamous. She asked if I feel the same way and I honestly don’t. I feel it all has been worth it. All the amazing sexual experiences we have had and will continue to have. That these are just challenges that we have to deal with along the journey.
There is no easy road. Any road you choose to take will have different challenges. Sometimes, yes, you need to stop or pause and reassess your route.
Right now, my challenge is to get over anxiety and fully enjoy all the arousal that my wife having a boyfriend gives me so she can fully enjoy all the sexual and emotional benefits she gets from having a boyfriend.
It needs to be done in a way that thrills us both to continue to work in the long term. If it serves just one of us, the result is almost certainly going to marital strife. If it serves both our needs, the result will continue to be long-lasting happiness.
It has been worth it. She has fucked over 50 men since we have been married. The percentage of anxiety I have felt is small compared to all the overall experiences she has had with other men and we have had together.
When we started cuckolding, I never fantasized or even thought of my wife falling in love with another man and loving me at the same time. To me, it was always about sex.
Sex is different with different people. Some people like it slow and sensual. Some people like it fast and hard. Some people like it rough. Some people like it to feel dirty. Most people enjoy some mixture of all those things. My wife is one of those people.
I’m not great at the fast and hard and I’m really not great at the rough sex. I’m not particularly good at making sex feel dirty, either. I am good at kinky naughty sex. I’m much more into a slow and sensual kind of sex. Making love with my wife kind of sex. She likes that kind of sex, but it turns out that there’s a part of her into a wilder, dirtier kind of sex too.
I love this about her! She is an exhibitionist and I am a voyeur.
She is also a size queen and I have a dick that is under 4.5 inches. She loves to feel a man deep inside her. She wants her pussy to feel full with long and thick cock. She wants her pussy to cling to it as she’s cumming all over it.
I love that she is a size queen. I never wish my dick was bigger. I like that this is something she gets from other men. I love the dynamic it brings to our marriage. I love just feeling her stretched pussy against my dick, rubbing on the outside after a big cock has fucked her. That is a type of sex I really like!
Over the past 12 years, she has had 3 different long-term lovers. Meaning men she sees semiregular. Still, while enjoying other men, she has never been exclusive to a single man and never wants to be.
Her first was a super fun guy with a huge cock who just loved to fuck and really got off on her being married and that him fucking her brought me pleasure, too.
The second is a very dominant man. Meaning he is into having a dom-sub relationship with a love of BDSM. He helped both of us discover our submissive side. He helped bring my bi-sexuality out of the closet. Showed my wife I am submissive and that I too love cock. He was part of me transitioning to a sissy cuckold that wears panties, sucks cock, and enjoys getting fucked. He and my wife makes me want to be feminine. He it terrifying and thrilling. None of this was forced. I was challenged, faced with my own sexual demons as I brought out my true sexuality to my wife.
The third is the current man she is seeing. Maybe what is so thrilling about cuckolding is that anything can happen.
They met organically. We were not seeking a “Bull”. They met at a workplace and instantly had sexual chemistry. She thought he was good-looking, smart, and learned quickly that he fucks her in the manner that she craves. The first week she hooked up with him, she was so excited, in lust, and the new relationship energy skyrocketed.
It was something that fell outside of my fantasy. The more she went out with him, texted and communicated with him, it was coming clear that she may fall in love with him. Not a bull, but a boyfriend instead.
It caused my own heart to pound and my cock throb. I started to fantasize about it.
A married woman isn’t supposed to have a boyfriend. She has a husband. Why would she need a boyfriend?
That is the fun of it though, isn’t it? A married woman isn’t supposed to have a boyfriend, so it makes it that much naughtier and more thrilling when she has one.
I find it immensely arousing.
She having amazing sex with her boyfriend but also having feelings of some sort for him that go beyond her wanting him to be someone she just fucks. She spends time thinking about him, wanting to do nice things for him, spend the night with him.
Every hotwife/cuckold couple is different. Some aren’t at all comfortable with the wife seeing a guy more than once. This has never been us. Some institute rules to try and limit any sort of emotional connection. This is true for us in the past.
My wife finds a lot of pleasure when she finds someone that she can connect with on that deeper level. It makes sense. It also though is not just because she is connecting with this other man, but what it leads to with me.
It has been worth it.
So now my wife has been delving into the world of polyamory and loving two men at the same time. She told me last June that she wanted to love him, but didn’t know it was a possibility, something she was allowed to do.
Those are powerful words. Boyfriend. Love.
I am okay with it.
It is probably one of the most arousing things I have experience. My wife saying “I told my boyfriend I love him.”
“I’m going to spend the night at my boyfriends house.” sharing a text she sent him with me with a text bubble “I love you.”
It is exciting. Discovering that it thrills us both.
My wife has never been exclusive to a single man and never wants to be. She is a cuckoldress. I need to always remind myself of that. I am her husband who she loves more than the world. The love of her life.
Everything with my wife has been worth it.