Fear, Sadness, Arousal and Jealousy.

I wasn’t going to write about this. But writing is my therapy. I don’t have anyone I can talk to. Sometimes as a cuckold you feel very alone.

Rational or not, I sometimes am tempted to snoop on my wife – check her text messages. To see if my fears are warranted?

Snooping doesn’t solve anything!

In the past it actually has led to making my wife be dishonest and manipulative. Deleting conversations she has with other men. Lying to me about it.

I thought about making my blog private, as this is a place of my own private thoughts. The same as my wife’s phone, is a place of her own private conversations. I choose to share mine though because I feel maybe other people like me may benefit from it or learn the whole picture of being a cuckold not just the sexually exciting parts you ofter read about on the web.

My wife also reads my blog and it is my way to share myself with her.

Of course I don’t expect someone to share their phone. I just have an internal hope that my wife shares her thoughts and desires with me.

I’m not sure if snooping comes from my own feelings of inadequacy or the feelings that my wife hides her relationships from me? Maybe my own needs feel unmet and I am trying to make sense of the disconnection I feel?

What I learned was my fears were correct.

I also have learned I don’t want to live my life having to snoop in order to feel safe or loved. I don’t plan on snooping again. I know it is not healthy and I don’t want it to cause my wife to be dishonest or manipulative again. Also, I don’t want to come to my own conclusions from my snooping.

I want to have a trusting open honest marriage.

It was hard for me to read the conversations my wife has been having with her boyfriend. They constantly thinking about eachother. Occupy eachother’s thoughts night and day, yearning to be with eachother. To experience all of life and life’s experiences with eachother. Emotionally supporting eachother.

That she was sneaking away to a co-working space to have a lunch zoom date with him.

Reading these messages caused me fear of the security of my marriage with my wife.

These are things people in love write to eachother though and I already have known they love eachother.

So when I read them texting eachother multiple times how much they love eachother. All the “I love you” text. It causes sadness.

Why?

Because I have been aroused by their love and I told my wife if she ever did text him I love you, I would like her to share that with me.

As a cuckold that is the arousal. That is the teasing point. Your wife sharing that she fucks another man. Sharing the details with you. Having you watch. Sharing that she has a date. Doing it together.

Funny I am not sad or angry about them being in love although it does cause feelings of fear.

Her not sharing this with me makes me sad and scared for our relationship. It seems what she has with him she wants separate, at least the love she shares with him.

It is also something she doesn’t want me to have with others. It doesn’t feel like cuckolding.

It makes me sad that she doesn’t have conversations with me about it. So me snooping was not rational, it was wrong, but it also showed my fears were warranted. She has been telling him again and again she loves him.

I do trust her though and love her. I do believe she loves me too. Am I her primary love? I don’t know. Currently, I am her primary partner, but as we explore this naturally, I fear that might change. That because she loves him, she will leave me.

The thing with jealousy it involves fear with worrisome thoughts of a potential loss. In their conversations, they discussed him going on a work trip with her to our hometown. Where she and I met, have family and friends.

It just feels really close to home.

Also, the worry and fear.

Is she really traveling for business? Is that the true motive? What does it look like? Will she take him out with her for work dinners with colleagues? Meet our friends? More of our family?

I feel these are discussions her and I should have.

This is from fear of shame.

When a third party threatens the bond that exists in a partnership, we may feel insecure, worried, sad and a host of other undesirable feelings.

This experience has triggered these feelings.

Many weeks ago I was looking up information about Ethical Sluts.

I had an idea for a writing about how I have always been attracted to slutty women. To me this is a positive and meaning just a woman that has many sexual partners and embraces her feminity. Anyway, I came across an article ‘What is Ethical Non-Monogamy’ which then led me down a rabbit hole about attachment style and learning I do not have a secure attachment style and am an avoidant attacher. Funny enough, which is a personality that is more likely to be open to Ethical Non-Monogamy.

This attachment style also tends to experience jealousy. Keep distance from others, can push others away and have difficulty trusting and opening up. Also unlikely to seek help in stressful situations.

It is interesting knowing about this attachment style and the things I feel and the emotions I experience. When I took a quiz about my attachment style. It showed I have a very secure attachment to my wife. It just isn’t feeling that way today.

When I shared with my wife I read her text, I was flustered but not mad. She is pissed at me though, for snooping! She mentioned something a year from now, and I wondered if she would even want to be with me a year from now? I said that and that angered her.

Outside of all this fear, sadness and jealousy I have been extremely aroused all day!

Earlier taking a break from work I even found myself seeking cuckolding erotica (sex stories) of hotwife’s falling in love and sharing that experience with their husbands.

Reading and thinking about my wife and her boyfriends text has me so aroused and confused.

I honestly don’t understand it and don’t get it. I just wish she would have shared it with me and I didn’t feel that need to snoop. As I said, me snooping accomplished nothing. Here I am, aroused again and in the doghouse when she is the one in love with another man.

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“He told me he loves me,” Tara said.

Lucy’s eyes went wide as she abruptly stopped stirring the sugar and cream into her coffee. “Wait, who told you he loved you? Tim?”

Tara nodded. “Last night. He told me he was in love with me.”

Lucy sat back for a moment – seemingly soaking in the news – and then leaned forward, smiled, and asked, “What did you tell him?”

Tara looked down at her coffee and took a moment to relive the memory of Tim uttering those words. She’d gone to his place after work. The plan was to make dinner together, to enjoy that dinner with a bottle of wine, and to watch a movie before she spent the night. They ended up doing that, though they didn’t get started on dinner until they’d made love as they hadn’t been able to contain their desire for each other for more than a few minutes.

After the exceptionally good sex – which included a world class orgasm for Tara – they made dinner together while drinking wine, telling stories, and generally having a spectacularly good time. The moment arrived while they were watching the movie. They were snuggled up on the couch with glasses of wine on the coffee table in front of them. Tim had his arm around her and they kept stealing little moments to share kisses and do just a bit of making out, all of which felt spectacularly good.

Then Tim paused the movie. He explained that he needed to tell Tara something, that he’d needed to tell her for weeks. At first she was worried he was about to end their relationship, for he had a nervous look on his face. Then, after a few moments of silence, he told her he was in love with her. He apologized for having fallen in love, given that she was married and he knew she couldn’t be with him in a long term way, but he explained that he just couldn’t help it.

As she basked in the warmth of that memory, Tara looked across the table at her friend and said, “I told him I loved him too.”

Lucy’s eyes went wide again. “Do you? I mean, did you say it because you meant it, or because you just didn’t want to make him feel bad?”

Tara felt a touch of giddiness as she said, “I meant it. It kind of snuck up on me. I guess I wasn’t really thinking about it because I wasn’t looking for that with Tim, but I do love him.”

“You’re in love with him?” Lucy asked.

“Yes,” Tara replied as she felt that giddiness again.

Lucy wrapped her hands around her mug and asked, “So, if you weren’t really looking for it or expecting it, how do you feel now that you’ve found it?”

Tara leaned in and said, “Is it terrible if I really like this feeling? Like, really, really like it?”

Lucy took a moment and looked as though she was giving the question genuine though. “Well, how does Seth feel about it? Because if he likes that you’re in love with another man, then I don’t see the problem. Assuming you have no plans on leaving Seth, that is.”

“Oh, no, God no. It’s honestly kind of weird. Tim isn’t the sort of guy I’d actually want to marry, and if I wasn’t married I don’t think he’s the kind of guy I’d date, mostly because he doesn’t actually have great prospects for the future, you know?” Tara explained. “But, in a weird way, that’s what makes him absolutely perfect for the kind of relationship we have, and I think that’s what makes it feel okay to have…well, to have fallen in love with him.”

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“What did he confess?” Seth asked.

Tara took yet another deep breath and kissed Seth’s neck once more, in part because she was a little too nervous too look him directly in the eye as she said, “He told me…he told me he’s in love with me, Seth. He told me he’s fallen in love with me.”

Seth was silent for a few painful seconds as he stared up at the ceiling. Then he turned towards Tara and asked, “Really? Tim’s…he’s in love with you?”

Tara stared into her husband’s eyes – as it turned out, it wasn’t that hard – and nodded.

“What about you…how do you feel? Are you…are you in love with your boyfriend?” Seth asked.

Up until that moment – until he asked that question – Tara wasn’t sure how Seth was going to feel. Then she saw the excitement in his eyes. She’d seen it countless times before since she started dating Tim and she knew it well by that point. He liked that Tim had fallen in love with her and Tara was almost certain that Seth was hoping she felt the same way.

She could have answered the question straight away, but she was so certain of Seth’s excitement that Tara decided to have a little fun. She smiled and let her fingers dance their way down his stomach until they were wrapped around his half hard cock. She smiled, stroked him slowly, and then softly kissed his neck and asked, “Do you want me to be in love with my boyfriend, Seth? Do you want your wife to be in love with another man?”

Seth closed his eyes, arched his back a little, and groaned. Most importantly, his cock got hard in Tara’s hand, wiping away and last shred of doubt she had about his arousal.

“Tara…I…I don’t know why…I don’t know why, but this makes me…it turns me…”

Tara ended Seth’s lusty rambling with a kiss as she played with his cock, keeping him in an erect state and sharing in his ever-increasing arousal.

“I love you more than anything, Seth,” Tara said softly. “And I always will.”

Their eyes met and he replied, “But you’re also in love with your boyfriend, with Tim.”

Tara straddled her husband and took his cock inside her. She smiled at the sudden surge of pleasure on his face and rested her hands on his chest while slowly rocking her hips back and forth, bathing him in the warmth and wetness of her pussy.

“I’m in love with my boyfriend,” she said. “I am. And he’s in love with me. Your wife is in love with another man, Seth.”

Tara moved her hips a little faster, generating blissful friction for her clit and seemingly doing the same for Seth’s cock as his mouth opened and he let out a beautiful moan.

“He told me he loved me right before I left,” she continued. “I told him I love him and we shared a long, deep kiss. I was honestly tempted to stay a little longer and let him make love to me one more time before I came home. These feelings, Seth, they’re so beautiful.”

Seth reached up and pulled her lips to his for a kiss. His hands moved down her back and he grabbed Tara’s ass and began to fuck his cock up into her with hard, insistent thrusts.

“You really like that I’ve fallen for him, don’t you?” she asked between moans.

“I love it,” Seth admitted.

Tara kissed his neck and whispered, “And you like fucking the pussy that Tim came inside of earlier today, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Seth answered.

“You like that my boyfriend made love to me and came inside me this morning,” she said. “You like that he told me he loved me while his cock was inside me. You like that I told him I loved him while his cock was inside me. You like that I came while thinking about how I’ve fallen in love with another man, don’t you?”

“Oh…fuck,” Seth groaned.

“Cum inside me, Seth,” Tara pleaded. “Cum in my pussy.”

“The pussy your boyfriend filled this morning?” Seth asked.

“The pussy my boyfriend filled once this morning and twice last night,” she said. “The pussy my boyfriend flooded with his thick, hot cum after giving me a beautiful orgasm with his big cock. The pussy my boyfriend satisfied so deeply after telling me he was in love with me, Seth. The pussy my boyfriend satisfied after I declared my love for him.”

That put them both over the top as Tara came almost simultaneously with her husband. She sat up and slowly ground her clit into his pelvis while the pleasure of an orgasm rocketed through her body, leaving her trembling in the best way possible.

Tara collapsed on top of Seth and reached up to run her fingers through his hair while he held her tight. “I love you, Seth,” she said softly. “I love you more than anything in this world and I will always feel that way.” She kissed his neck. “Thank you for letting me fall in love with Tim, for enjoying me having a boyfriend and having real feelings for him. Thank you for being the most wonderful husband in the world.”

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She looks away for a moment before her eyes find yours again. “What if I fall in love with him?” she asks.

The question catches you off guard. She’s mentioned how much she likes her boyfriend, but she’s never talked about developing feelings like that for him. And yet, it doesn’t strike you as an alarming development. If anything it triggers an unexpected kind of desire inside you.

“Are you?” you ask. “Falling in love with him, I mean?”

“I might be,” she answers.

Her fingers gently play with your chest hair as you stare into each other’s eyes. It seems like you’re each waiting for the other to make the first move. After all, your wife has just revealed something fairly significant.

After a few moments, you surrender to the lust swirling inside you. You reach up and caress her face. She closes her eyes and smiles at your gentle touch. Your fingers move to the back of her neck and you urge her to lean down and kiss you. Her hands move up your chest and through your hair as her lips approach yours. You run your fingers down her back and gently grasp her ass.

Your lips meet. The kiss is electric. Your mouths open. Your tongues entwine. Passion bursts forth. You kiss each other fervently as she begins to ride your cock. Her breasts feel warm and soft as they press into your chest. Her pussy is soaked with desire as your cock moves in and out of her at an increasingly rapid pace.

“Have you told him?” you ask breathlessly.

Her eyes meet yours. She studies them for a moment and then says, “Yes, I have.”

She said she “might be” falling in love with him, but she was just protecting your feelings. She wasn’t sure how you felt, so she hid you from her reality. She didn’t need to, though. As those words left her lips, as she confirmed that she’d told her boyfriend she loves him, you felt an intense surge between your legs. You felt that kind of arousal that rarely happens.

“You’ve told him you love him?” you ask, both because you want confirmation and because you’re chasing that high that comes with those little, astoundingly arousing moments.

“Yes, I told him I love him,” she says. “I told him tonight.”

You grasp her ass with one hand as the other moves up her back and gently entwines in her hair. You kiss. It’s deeply passionate. She moans into your mouth as you fuck your cock up into her while she drives her pussy down onto you.

“Tell me,” you say. “Tell me you’re in love with your boyfriend.”

She moans and kisses your neck before pulling her head back so she can look into your eyes. You see the pleasure on her face as you fuck her. You see her smile before she says, “I’m in love with my boyfriend. I’m desperately in love with him.”

You cum in your wife. She grinds her pussy on your cock as it pulses with pleasure while you empty your load inside her. She sits up, puts her hands on your chest, and unleashes an orgasm of her own. You feel her thighs tremble and her pussy spasms around your cock. You hear her joyful moans reverberate around the bedroom.

She collapses on your chest and you hold her close. You kiss her neck intermittently, but mostly you enjoy being so close to the woman you love with all your heart.

“I told him I’d ask if you were okay with him and me having unprotected sex,” she says.

You smile. “I’d be okay with that. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’d love that.”

She kisses your neck and her soft, warm lips remain against your flesh for a few seconds. “I told him I was almost certain you’d love it.”

“You know me better than anyone,” you reply.

She sits up and smiles at you before a look of concern crosses her face. “You’re really okay with me being in love with another man?”

“Are you still in love with me?” you ask.

“Of course. I’ll always be in love with you,” she answered.

“Then I’m more than okay with you being in love with another man, as I’m sure you noticed,” you say.

She laughs, smiles brightly, and lays down on your body again. You wrap your arms around her, close your eyes, and enjoy the bliss of being in a cuckold marriage with the perfect woman.