I read once that “what makes you special, is not the thing you get that no one else does. What makes you special is the things you are that no one else is.”
It is easy for me to remember over a year ago when my wife met a new man. We have been in an open hotwife, cuckolding marriage for over 11 years so her meeting and even fucking another man is not unordinary. It is something that excites and arouses us both. An extra spice in our marriage.
Their relationship and attraction seemed different to me than it had ever been with other men. She says that is not true, I just had never been in a place to give her as much freedom to have more deeper relationships with others as I am in today.
The fear, anxiety and even some anger I felt at times was uncontrollable. There is something in open relationships called New Relationship Energy which I was not aware of, had never experienced in this context and without the knowledge or experience was not ready for.
I don’t think my wife was ready for it either. It just took control of her emotions and released hormones she had not felt since meeting me for the first time.
Those excited, giddy feelings when you are starting a new relationship. You get high on love. When we meet someone whose body chemistry seems like it goes with our body chemistry, our body wants us to make rash, impulsive decisions that are driven towards reproduction. She was happy, sparkly and shiny and excited.
But not towards me.
She was literally intoxicated.
Instead of happy for her, I felt so scared, neglected and wasn’t sure if she still wanted me. We were not prioritizing time together. She was messaging him constantly and wanting to fuck him as much as possible. It made me feel I wasn’t special to her anymore.
I got angry and called her out, telling her she was falling in love with him.
It was a challenging point in our relationship. I was constantly checking her phone. I found out that she was deleting messages she thought would anger me. (Note: I don’t have access to check her phone which has been a positive emotionally.)
She was willing to stop. To get me back to a happy place.
I’m a cuckold though. So even though I was having all these negative emotions there were a lot of positive emotions too. It turned me on her having a relationship with him. I liked how much she loves fucking him and that she was feeling happy and giddy. I even was turned on they were messaging a lot, I just couldn’t handle my own mixed emotions.
I didn’t want her to stop but I felt like we needed to slow down.
We have not been in a monogamous marriage pretty much since we got married. I believe non-monogamy has contributed to our happiness as a couple, our attractions to each-other. It has helped our sexlife stay hot and fulfilling. Something I know is not the case with many married couples. It has allowed us to meet so many fun people. To explore our sexuality. We have become closer and more connected through our exploration, experiences, communication and love for each-other.
Then there is the fact that I get turned on seeing my wife with others. There is nothing I love more than watching my wife in the middle of a hot sexual encounter… with someone else. Seeing her experience sexual pleasure brings me pleasure too.
NRE and everything I just wrote I need to remember when she meets new men she wants to have relationships with. When I feel that angst.
We are not talking about new men though. With this guys I needed to learn what it looks like if she really was falling in love with him. Honestly part of me believed she would stop and part of me feared if I asked her to she would cheat on me with him. I’d much rather work through the challenge than be cheated on.
I started to read a lot about polyamory. It is something I go back and forth on. I have written a few post on it.
For me, her wanting to share her heart with another feels more intimidating than just wanting to share her body. I struggle more with her being emotional intimate with someone else than being physically intimate with someone else.
Allowing my wife to share her heart and emotions does have positives.
Her having meaningful relationships that she wouldn’t otherwise have.
The freedom to experience sexual and intellectual variety and learn new skills that can be used to enhance our relationship.
Having other men meet some unmet needs which allows her to be happier and better wife and mother.
Building a community of friends and lovers that add enjoyment to our lives and support in times of need.
So their relationship has continued. I have enjoyed evenings having drinks with him and talking and supporting him taking her away from me to fuck her.
I get along with him well. I’ve even been okay with him meeting our kids. When you meet your wife’s lovers it is easy to see that they are just as human as you are, with both talents and flows. It helps me me relieve the feeling that I’m competing with perfection and helps reassure me that they aren’t a threat.
I can’t explain it but the thought of her telling him she loves him has been a huge turn on that I have been able to eroticize in my fantasies. It is not something I have encouraged aside from being supportive of their relationship.
He has been telling her he loves her for several months now but she had never said it back. She likes the idea of being able to fall in love with another man. Him telling her he loves her makes her feel good but has given her mixed emotions.
As I wrote in my journal entry about her being gone for the night. I had angst when she was leaving. Like I was letting her go.
It has been over a year. Although their relationship is long distance it has seemed close. I had a nagging feeling in my gut if I agreed for her to go spend a night with him again. To have that much emotional and physical time together. She would love him.
She comforted me while with hime with the check-ins. It really did help keep the experience for me possitive. The loving note that I am the reason this all is so fun. That she gets to come home to me.
I didn’t hear from her until 8:30am yesterday morning. She messaged me they were just waking up and she got laid. That she was thinking of seeing me in a few hours.
Then I didn’t hear from her until after the time we had agreed she would leave to come home so her and I would have time to connect before the kids got back from school.
It must have been hard for her to leave him. That is the thought that went through my head.
On her drive home we texted non-stop. Yes I know she shouldn’t be texting and driving, it is unsafe. We did it anyway.
For over two hours we texted back and forth.
She filled me in on some of the naughty details. How his cock felt soooo good. We discussed how I didn’t sleep well and she told me she woke up a lot too, that she doesn’t sleep as well without me.
“Even with another man in your bed?” I texted
“Yup, although I do like the way, that sounds… Sounds very naughty.” She replied.
I asked her if she had sex in the middle of the night. She replied that of course she had sex in the middle of the night. How could she now with that nice big cock next to her?
She then told me she can’t stop thinking how hot I am. Her making sure I was feeling good.
Turned on. My mind was racing as she raced home to see me. I couldn’t help myself. I probed deeper.
“Did he tell you he loves you?
“Yes he did.” she replied
I encouraged her by typing “So hot!” with two fire emojis. I wanted to ask what she said but felt she was too far away. She would share that with me if she told him she loved him back wouldn’t she?
More small text chat back and forth. She lets me know because of road conditions her ETA is now fifteen minutes later.
I can’t help myself. I reply that she will just have to tell me more naughty things.
She replies that she has to think of something naughty. Clearly she does not want to tell me over text.
Elizabeth tells me about how he ravished her right when she arrived and stepped out of her car. How he was immediately fucking her the minute she got there.
So fucking hot. I probe more “Anything naughty at dinner?”
She lets me know how being on a date out with another man always feels naughty. Kissing and making out in a booth out in public. So devious. Still not giving me the answer I am seeking.
“How about when you two decided to go to sleep?” I text her.
She messages me about how they fucked in bed. Chatted, slept, fucked more, slept woke up and fucked again.
I reply “Lots of fucking!”
I can’t help myself. “Did he tell you he loves you in bed?”
“Yes.” she replies. “He said it a few times, actually, when I first saw him, he said it.”
This is intense. I now don’t know if I am ready to know how she responded. So I ask her over text how that made her feel him telling her he loves her so many times? She told me good and mixed. She has a feeling he needs to find someone to be with. Other than her that can offer him more. Elizabeth hopes he is having sex with other women not just her. She told me this is mostly in her own head but she worries she is keeping him from finding love that will work better for him.
She is married to me and happy.
She acknowledges he is a grown ass man and can probably see that as well but what they have sure is fun in the meantime.
She is 15 minutes away.
I type it out. “Did you tell him you love him?
It is like a bomb that goes off in my body. I am shaking and ask her “Was that the first time?
“Yes” she responds.
“When did you tell him?”
“In bed. Lol while I was riding his cock, very romantic of me.”
“What was his response?” I ask.
“He said it first.”
She then wrote fast to me. How she does feel she loves him. That it is strange because she is not sure what it means to have that and have no commitment to him. But that maybe that is okay? Maybe love can be just a strong, attraction and affection…
I don’t know what to say. I reply to her “Naughty.”
“And you know I love you most of all.” She writes back.
Some reason I ignore that. I don’t know why but my next question I ask her is if she texted him on her drive that she loves him? She responds that she had not yet then ask if she should? She also ask if our conversation was stirring up angst?
I told her it didn’t feel like angst. My body was shaking, my hear fluttering. Not in a bad way. That it is up to her if she texted him she loves him, but if she does I would like her to tell me.
Whet I was feeling was more of an anxiety attack. What I felt is I needed her home in my arms. Something else though. I needed to here her tell me she loves him face to face. To see that it is real. That gives me a feeling of excitement and fear.
I let her know I anticipated that she might tell him she loves him. How it gave me angst when she was leaving but I took a deep breath and was able to stop it. She comforted me over text telling me she hopes I know it doesn’t take away from how she feels about me. That if anything, it makes her feel more strongly towards me.
The funny thing is. I also went into denial. I wrote to her “He probably dismisses it since you both were fucking.”
Maybe…. she writes.
I go into a rant how they should have talked about it. But it also doesn’t change anything. My rant ends with laughing emojis you don’t have to talk about it.
“I’m close to home. I can almost see your sexy little ass.” She writes.
Her being home has me so nervous. My body is fluttering and I keep having to get up and pee. I quickly pour myself a glass of wine thinking a drink will help. Then I think, fuck it is 1:30pm on Monday should I text her and let her know I have not been drinking, I just poured myself a glass of wine.
I take a single sip. She is home. I put it down.
She is nervous too. Instead of coming right into the house she decides to unpack her car. What the fuck? I am thinking. Get in the house.
We kiss. She looks beautiful. We are quickly unclothed on our bed. Her pussy is dripping wet. I encourage her to sit on my face so I can taste her. My insatiably slutty wife. I lick her. I devour her with my mouth. She feeds me lust. I pleasure her with my tongue and bring her to a quick orgasm.
She is on top of me grinding on my dick. I look at her. Tell me what you said to him when you were fucking him like this.
A devilish look. Maybe a thought. Does he really want me to say it?
“I love him.” She says. “I told hime I love him while rode on his cock.”
The orgasm shoots through me. Pierces through my body. The words echo inside my head. My body shakes. I close my eyes my dick pulses as it shoots out my seed. It feels like and explosion. My toes are curling. My body is so tense.
“I guess you are not angry.”
I feel a little humiliated. This guy just fucked her for 24 hours I orgasmed under a minute of her being on top of me. She had been home for less than 10 minutes and my body was drained.
We laid with each other. Didn’t really talk about it. She caressed my body. I did the same to hers. I made small talk on conversations they had that didn’t have to do with love. I probed and didn’t ask directly but wanted to know if she communicated she is happy with me?
We made love again. This time with the Hitachi and rubbing each others bodies. We scissor. It was passionate and wonderful. She had multiple orgasms. It was a long love session. Well as long as it could be. I had my second orgasm 15 minutes before the kids would be home from school.
Both of us cleaned up. Showered and had a normal family afternoon with the kids. We went iceskating. I could not keep my eyes off my wife in her sexy ribbed legging that showed off her perfect ass. How beautiful she is. How naughty. That she told another man she loves him.
On the couch with the kids asleep. My mind racing. I was being a little angsty but playful. Not angry or mad. Not upset or scared.
Uncertain and confused I guess.
I couldn’t help but feel the safe distance of them being apart. A long distance relationship. What though if he moved here to our town? Will she leave me for him?
These are normal thoughts I think from a guy who grew up being taught monogamy.
Confused of what it means she has no commitment to him but what about the commitment she has to me?
But maybe that is okay for her to love another man and love me too. Maybe it can just be a strong attraction and affection. It is more than that though it is love she feels.
She doesn’t seem to love me any less. She told me today I am her favorite human. That makes me feel special.
We made love again late into the night. I was in my head so it was mostly me pleasuring her. We also used the Hitachi again. I had her squirting orgasms, screaming and begging for more all over our bedding.
I was not competing with him. I know how I pleasure her is different. They both feel really good for her.
She asked if she could go stay with him again sometime soon. I told her she can, that I am okay with it.
Today I am not sure how I feel? I’m feeling the same anxiety. It is not negative, I really can’t describe it. Working through thoughts?
Funny after writing this I want to hear her say it again because I am ridiculously turned on right now. Should I be eroticizing their love though? It kind of feels a little wrong. I’d be lying though if I said I don’t have a hard on as I conclude this writing. If she truly feels it to whisper in my ear “I love him.” Not fantasy or to just get me off.
Life can be strange. The things that turn us on. I never in my life imagined I would be writing this and be aroused by it. That I’d write the paragraph above. That in the moment I am dripping cum.
Maybe I like to play with fire.
I like to believe love can be in abundance. That my wife feels the same way about me that she did before she stayed the night with him. That there can be different types of love and relationships. We have a home and family together. They have something different. It doesn’t have to be traded one for the other. That what makes me special is the things I am that no one else is. It also brings tears to my eyes how much I love her.