“I know that is the story in your head but that is not the true story,” My wife has said to me many times when I am going through cuckold anxiety.
The cuckold fetish is caused by pain around the concept of inadequacy, whether that be a fear, feeling, focus, belief, or association.
My story has been a belief and a fear.
That my tiny dick makes me sexually inadequate. The assumption that women are going to cheat on me and the fear that I am not sexually good enough for them.
Cuckolding can be a way to find pleasure in that feelings of inadequacy. As I have always known, though, it is not a healthy way.
Sometimes we need to rewrite our beliefs. Change our story.
When my wife helped me to better discover my feminine self. My Josie Pink. I rewrote the story in my head into positive affirmation.
• My existence is revolutionary
• The woman inside me is strong and confident.
• I am wholly lovable just the way I am.
• With confidence I can be whoever I want.
• I am sexually progressive.
Dressed up feminine, I feel at peace, a place of happiness. I wrote the other day about how her body and mine are meant to have sex. When we have sex, as I described in that writing, our bodies grinding and rubbing up against one another. I do not have any feelings or senses of inadequately.
There is another part of our sex life. Where I put her sexual pleasure first. I switch from the more sub to dom. I finger her pussy hard. She likes it hard. She likes how my hand makes her pussy feel full. Her orgasms are intense. Much more than her and my soft fem love making. She screams. Her body shakes, squirts her body fluid into the air and all over me.
Then I bring out the Colossus X by Vixen Creations. The most premium toy we have. Worth every penny of the $198.00 cost. It’s a penis sleeve. It is meant to be used by men with ED conditions, or a smaller sized penis. As the name suggests. It turns a small penis into a large one.
She loves big cock. Loves variety.
Variety. Like flights of beer. Tapas restaurants. Living in new places. Meeting new people. Embracing new experiences. A variety of men.
“I would fuck any man that had this cock.” My wife has said. It feels that good.
Big cock makes her unable to think of anything else. She describes that she almost feels empty without it. It quiets everything in your mind. It is funny because she married a man with a small dick.
“Smaller can feel good don’t get me wrong. But it’s different. It’s like a Swedish massage. But it’s never all consuming.” She tells me.
Now I am not just switching roles. I am role playing and fucking her like the men other than me she fucks in real life do. It does the same as my hands. The multiple earth shattering orgasms. Squirting and screaming. It is clear it is that good.
When I fuck her with it, I can’t help be feel inadequate. I can’t help but tell that story in my head. I am not good enough. She should cuckold me and do it as soon as possible so she can feel this way with a real cock. See, that is not the true story. Part of why it gets her off so much is that it is my body, my face, my kisses. It is not just the cock. Yes she experiences this diffrent pleasure with other men, but while I am feeling inadequate, she is not thinking she wants to replace me with another man.
She is grateful she gets to experience the feeling of fucking other men. In her story, though, it is not because I am inadequate. She loves me for who I am. She also loves the variety. Their cocks feel better inside her but it doesn’t take away how good I feel when I’m with her. Then there is also our emotional connection, soul mates. She is the love of my life and I am the love of her life.
When I have cuckold angst. Fear she won’t come back home to me. Fear for her safety and fear of being inadequate. That is not the story she is living. It is my negative story.
Using the Colossus should not make me feel inadequate. Prioritizing my partners’ pleasure means being open to trying a variety of techniques. Getting an assist from the sleeve feels great for both her and me.
Getting an assist. Lol. The things I write. I also like to get an assist from other men, enjoying them assisting in sexually pleasuring my wife.
There are core beliefs we tell ourselves. I’m sexually inadequate, so my wife should cuckold me. This is almost guaranteed to create anxiety.
These need to be re-written. I need to rewrite this one today.
One core belief many monogamous people tell themselves:
Myth: If my partner really loved me, she wouldn’t have any desire for a sexual relationship with anyone else.
This belief sees any interest your partner has in anyone else as a direct reflection of how much she loves you. It correlates the amount and depth of love to the ability to be interested in having another partner. Its inevitable outcome is that any time your partner shows interest in another person, you will feel intensely jealous because you are convinced that this means your partner does not love you. In this construct, love for you and interest in another partner can not co-exist. One cancels out the other.
I don’t believe that story.
New Belief: My partner loves me so much that she trusts our relationship to expand and be enriched by experiencing even more sexual relationships from others.
Myth: If my wife were happy with me, and if I were a good husband, my wife would be so satisfied that she wouldn’t want to get involved with anyone else.
I also don’t believe this belief. But I have insecurities. If you truly believe that your lover could only be interested in another partner because you’re inadequate, you can see how that will generate jealousy big time!
New Belief: My relationship is so solid and trusting that we can experience other relationships freely. My partner is so satisfied with me and our relationship that having other partners will not threaten the bond we enjoy.
I would bet that this is part of my wife’s story. Our relationship is solid and trusting. I must get over the inadequate part. She is so satisfied with me and our relationship. The other men only help add to her sexual pleasure.
Myth: It’s just not possible to love more than one person at the same time.
This is not relevant to cuckolding. Although it can be if we take the negatives out of cuckolding. This belief I had to overcome when I felt her falling for another man. Funny, as much as it scared the hell out of me, it excited me more than anything we had done in cuckolding.
This belief is built on the “scarcity economy of love”, the belief that love is a finite resource. There is only so much to go around, and there is never enough. Therefore, if my wife gives any of her love to anyone else, that necessarily means that there’s less for me. Because most people already feel there are some areas in their relationship where they are not getting enough of something (time, love, affection, sex, support, commitment) they are fearful that they will receive even less if their partner gets involved with additional partners.
New Belief: There is an abundance of love in the world and there is plenty for everyone. Loving more than one person is a choice that can exponentially expand my potential for giving and receiving love.
Because each of these beliefs is connected to a very primal fear, they take time and effort to overcome. The first belief expresses a deep fear that you are not loved and will be abandoned. The second taps into our insecurities and the fear that we are not adequate or deserving of love, and the third is a fear of deprivation and being starved for love and attention.
It is not difficult for me to accept the new belief for the first and the third. It is the second, the fear we are not adequate or deserving of love. This is the story I have told myself. This is the story I need to rewrite.
I should not believe the old story either. Some people with a small penis may feel limited in their sexual abilities. I have found so many ways to maximize pleasure for myself and my wife. This includes an assist from more hung men for penetrative sex. But penetration with a penis is just one sex act on a menu with an almost-infinite number of options for pleasure. By cultivating the ability to please your in a wide variety of ways — oral sex, fingering techniques, using toys — My sex life never gets boring. Intimacy, connection, pleasure, orgasms, or all of the above, can be achieved in countless ways that don’t involve penetration with a penis.
Using my whole body. Toys, sex positions that work for us, an assist from other men and the Colossus X.
So the story is that my small dick didn’t make me inadequate. It has allowed my wife and I have this amazing sex life full of variety in our own sex together as well as enjoying a variety of other men assisting in our marriage and helping us both be better sexually fulfilled and more deeply connected with the men we invite into our life.