The Selfish Cuckold
I have defensive mechanisms. Ways to protect myself that I have learned over time that are not always healthy. When I get put in a vulnerable position, I am assertive. It is the polar opposite of who I am.
Learning to be dominant so I can be successful in business, sports, with women and in life.
A very kind person in nature. I have taken many personality quizzes and test. They all say I am more like a submissive person. I don’t let others walk over me, but once I find someone I love very much, I normally give them the world.
This has been true in my relationships and friendships. It has hurt me in the past.
I am also submissive because I believe each should have their role when in a relationship. It is good I am submissive, especially when it comes to relationships, because some aspects of a relationship need these characteristics.
Protecting it though I don’t let it turn into naiveness by allowing others to take advantage of me.
I called my wife selfish the other night. She didn’t take it well. It was one of the biggest insults I could have said to her. This is because she is not selfish.
As you know if you read my writing, she is very supportive and encouraging of me. Her family is her priority. She is a hard worker. She is dominant. My wife is perfect and the love of my life. My everything. It hurts to know that I insulted her by being selfish myself. That I hurt her.
My emotions get the better of me. They can be triggered and I don’t know how to handle them. This is a reason I have never liked cuckold angst.
A man with a cuckold fantasy is selfish. Focusing on his internal state. He wants to feel humiliation, emasculation, guilt, shame, embarrassment, jealousy, envy, submission, deprived of sex, low self of esteem and even depression.
I don’t want to be this person. I want to focus on the external and highly sexy events. Most of the time I can. My wife out on a date, her in the arms of another man. Her being fucked.
The funny thing is I love the idea of my wife being selfish. Especially when it comes to sex. My passion aligns with hers. I enjoy her with other men. I love watching her with men. Men that are always much bigger than me.
She can be needy and look to other men to fill those needs. I can handle her being insatiable and love that she is inclined to make me cum in non-conventional ways. Getting me off while telling me she prefers someone bigger in her pussy.
It arouses me she takes care of her body, goes to beauty appointments, prioritizes herself sometimes. I love watching her get herself all done up for another man. Even helping her.
What can feel selfish sometime to me is not, and it is selfish for me to think that.
Our relationship by design is one of imbalance. Me the submissive, her the dominant.
I’ve said in the past that the label cuckold and sissy can be damaging. Because of those bad emotions.
I am a person who wants to watch my wife in the act. To think about it, dream about it, imagine it and hear her talk dirty about it.
It has been the hottest, sexiest, most sensual and rewarding sexual experiences we have had together.
I don’t eroticize my negative feelings. When they get triggered my negative emotions bring me to a dark place. A place of fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear of my inadequacies. I even fear that my wife is not okay.
My cuckold kink brings out hidden mental issues.
All my partners have cheated on me. I expect it. Feel women are almost obliged to cheat on me. This is not what turns me on, though. I need to deal with it.
When the greeneye monster is triggered, it becomes self abuse. It leaks over to partner emotional abuse.
The part of extramarital sex works out fine for my wife and I. Having a slutty wife is sexy. Me not being able to drop my mental issues is not.
I want to be the nice guy to give my wife romance, gifts and cuddles and have her pussy still get wet for bad-boys that play rough.
I can’t help it. I’m submissive and effeminate. Although I can appear needy, I don’t see myself as week. I think it can look like selfishness from my wife’s point of view.
There are few boundaries I have asked for. Communication is number one. I want my wife to check-in with me. Check-in before pursuing a date or hook up with another man and check in before being sexual with another man. This is even more important to me when she meets someone new.
I understand this is unfair. Selfish. I also understand, though, that it helps not trigger my insecurities. It keeps it fun. Puts me in a positive place. Something we do together and not the negative emotional cuckolding.
I want it to elevate both of us. Strengthen our relationship, not bring it to the brink. I don’t want my wife to have a genuine affair. To exploit my mental issues. I know she doesn’t want this either.
When I called her selfish. It was my own mental issues. It is an imbalanced relationship by design. When she is being romantic with another man. Not checking in. I think about having a relationship with another myself. It is not something I want. I actually don’t have the desire to give my world to anyone but my wife. It is my fear of abandonment.
I don’t want my wife to have a real affair and deliberately hurt me. I want sexual non-monogamy to be an activity that we two do together, with total agreement and excitement for both of us.
I need a positive frame of mind in order to eroticize my negative feelings in a healthy way.
In a hotwife situation, the two of us explore female identity together, as a couple, for the mutual pleasure and benefit for both of us.
She likes the idea of fucking other hot guys.
I find intense sexual arousal and satisfaction in that.
This is a kind of cuckolding situation. She is getting fucked and and I am being a good husband.
A wife hooking up with other men for fun and pleasure is one of the most erotic, exciting, arousing and yes romantic things a couple can experience.
I would like to thank Arabell Blaze and an article I found of hers 7 Reasons Why Hotwife Fantasies Are Better Than Cuckolding (For Men and Women). It really helped me work through my thoughts this morning and I definitely plagiarized a lot from it…. guilty, she wrote it better. This is just my online journal though. Me working through how not to focus on my internal state.