I wrote a piece about emotions and cuckolding. Someone commented I write like a girl. I had to laugh out loud. Take it as a kind of complement. He then continued to tell me I’m just a pussy and not a man.
This piece of writing I took down. They were my thoughts, but I didn’t really like them, anyway. Maybe I’ll spend more time on it and post again or just integrate here.
I was going through an emotional experience when I wrote it. So much so I also took this site down. Feeling I no longer wanted my wife to sleep with other men. No longer wanted to have these feminine feelings inside me. No longer wanted to be a cuckold. Just done with my sexuality.
The emotions I was feeling are hard to explain. Fear and worry. Just anxiety. These emotions sometimes feel like a gun that is killing all my joy. An unwelcomed third wheel.
Research says men have stronger emotional experiences than woman. Women show relatively stronger emotional expressivity. Here, I find myself once again fluid. Fluid in my gender, sexuality and even how I express my emotions.
My wife and I had an argument. Out on a date with a new man, she didn’t take the lead and check in with me when she had agreed to, after I expressed the need for her to check in.
I have been known to overthink. Being a deep thinker. I was so excited for her to be on her date. Looked forward to her going to his house and coming home to me sexed and with a sexually adventurous story. Something about her not checking in with me caused a rumination of negative thoughts. As much as I tried to think of all the positives this one negative dominated my mind, ruminating over changing the story in my head.
This anxiety made me critical of who I am, how I think, and what we do as a couple.
Life is funny, though. When I didn’t want this lifestyle. Didn’t want this as part of me anymore. We already had booked in advance plans that included all of my sexual world.
A trip out-of-town away from the kids.
Including a date with my wife’s boyfriend. A night out with just her and me to a lifestyle Halloween party at an adult sex club. Followed by another night together at an erotic ball.
Not only that our costumes matching.
The first night, both Harley Quinn wearing her sexiest outfit including heels, fishnets, blue and red sequin panties, crop top and make-up. The second night, female vampires.
A weekend to a city where I could dress in full women’s clothes and go out with my wife. A girls’ weekend.
I wanted to cancel it. Then my own thoughts reminded me how much I looked forward to this weekend. How I researched the costumes. Paid for the most authentic looks. Bought myself a pair of black heeled boots that I have been practicing walking around in our house for the past couple months.
Then my wife asked if I still wanted to meet up with her boyfriend or reschedule? I told her we can meet up with him. He is a kind of like a brother now. Also, I was excited to have her wear a lace bodysuit that I got her for her anniversary. It is very revealing, something best warn in a city than a small town.
When I purchased it for her, it was for our anniversary, but I actually thought about how she would look wearing it during a date with him. I purchased it for her to wear for another man! That exited me. We were all going out together, so it excited me even more she would wear it for both of us.
There it happened. I again was nervously eager to dive back into the lifestyle with her.
The weekend outdid all expectations. It could not have been better. Well, maybe with more cocks lol, but there still was a good amount of cock. We had our date with him. I got to be the voyeur husband and my wife got to be the exhibitionist she is. Out with two men getting attention from both.
I love sitting across the table watching the two of them. I love seeing her laying in bed naked with a smile on her face after he just fucked her. Her rubbing his softened cock. The way they kiss and connect. They are a hot couple and turn me on.
After fucking him. He was gone for the rest of the weekend. We reconnected, making love ourselves. After spending over an hour getting ready for our Halloween party at the adult club.
Me stepping out with my wife into the world in heels! Fishnets! A tiny little bottom that barely covered my ass! Crop top, make-up, fake boobs and a wig!
I only had one negative look from a man the entire night. The rest were complements, people squeezing my boobs and my ass. I felt girly and loved it.
My wife and I danced the night away as two girls. We put on a show together, having girly sex on an open bed for all to see. She got fucked hard and deep on top of me by a man with an enormous cock. We kissed and played with other girls. I stayed in fem mode the whole time. There were so many highlights during this amazing night.
Back at the hotel. We made love. We fucked. Slept. Woke up and made love and fucked again and again on our sexual high.
The second night was more of the same although a bit more tame. Just as sexy and exciting.
Two nights walking the city in heels. My feet were sore, and I loved every second.
Across from my wife and her boyfriend during Sunday brunch. I watched them laugh, smile. Her rubbing his leg and giving me a look. A look of her feeling naughty and loving it. I was loving it too. In my head I was thinking, we need to get these two together again soon and more often.
Now here I am.
Last week on an emotional low and starting this week on an emotional high.
My wife should continue to fuck other men. I want to continue to explore my feminity. She should continue to explore relationships with other men. I am submissive sexually. I am emotional, have trouble dealing with my emotions, and that is okay. She is my sexually dominant wife. What we did this past weekend. I want all of this.
To drop the struggle and embrace my emotions. Try my best to not react to them but pause to think and respond more rationally.
To strive to overcome feelings of fear or shame, and all inhibitions that interfere with my capacity to support her and limit my growth.
I will strive every day to be a better and more loving person.
To maintain open and honest communication.
To reveal my thoughts, feelings, and desires without hesitation or embarrassment.
To work against negative aspects of my ego and my insecurities.
I love my wife having relationships with other men sexual and/or emotional whatever label that falls under – cuckolding, hotwife, stag, poly or any other.
I will educate myself every day regarding our journey in order to completely embrace the lifestyle and my place.
I understand I will falter in my behaviour and learn to forgive my misguided ways.
I understand my wife will falter in her method and help her understand more about my inner being and our combined desires.
I will allow her to lead knowing she only wants the very best for both of us.
I am sexually submissive and each of these 20 signs describe me. https://www.marriage.com/advice/physical-intimacy/sexually-submissive-man/
She is and always will be the love of my life.