My wife and I have had an open relationship for 13 years and overall it has worked very well. It has been casual sexual partners and sexual adventures with other together.
With her newest boyfriend it is far from casual. Texting daily, talking on the phone daily. My wife also is very discrete with her texting and doesn’t communicate with him openly in front of me. She has even deleted her text conversations so I would not see them snooping around.
It is a romantic relationship. He has told her he loves her. She has said to me she loves me best, hinting more and more she is falling in love with him. They want to spend romantic time togeather and even vacation togeather.
The very definition of polyamory is people who have multiple romantic relationships at the same time.
It clearly makes her happy, and I want her to be happy. I can even eroticize the love as a cuckold and be extremely turned on over it.
Then there is a huge separation of the cuckold and romantic relationship.
I understand the concept love is abundant and can be shared with over one person.
There is just one obstacle I can not get my mind over. It is a cause of little jealousy, but more it makes me depressed and sad.
I don’t understand why she wants to spend romantic time with another male?
I feel like we are very much in love. If I take a vacation day I want to spend it with her, or with myself. I don’t have the desire to spend it romantically with another person. When I go to bed to sleep I want her in my bed, not someone else.
I guess the simple answer is although I am non-monogamous I am not polyamorous. That does not mean she can’t be, I just can’t figure out how to wrap my head around her choosing to spend romantic time with someone else. Doing the same things her and I enjoy doing so much. Over choosing me.
How do I understand it and be okay with it?
I actually like the guy and hanging out with him, but I like it more as him as part of the us the couple not separating her from me.
I imagine a therapist would have a lot to say to me about polyamory, but more so about my sexuality as a whole. I imagine she would tell me I need to establish my own relationships outside our marriage to fully understand.
I just don’t see me falling in love with another woman or desiring to spend romantic time with her. Sure that may change if I put myself out there to meet other people.
So I need to find more acceptance and understanding of my wife’s choices. I would say it is scary. Mostly though for me it triggers long moments of depression.
How do you make and open relationship that includes multiple romantic relationships work?