Living With Insecurities

I am sure there is not a person who doesn’t have insecurities. It is human.

We worry what other people think about us; we worry if we’re good-looking enough; worry that we’re not doing all that we should be; we worry that we’ll fail; worry that people will find out our secrets.

Men suffer from sexual insecurities. Do they last long enough to please their lover? Have body issues just like women. Worry about disappointing their partner. About how much size matters.

I have had some of these same insecurities, but more so I am insecure about my true sexual self.

If you read about cuckolding or even swinging, discretion is an enormous deal. Online forums you will see a majority of cuckolds and their wives believe discretion is a must. Mostly, so they feel they can perform adequately in business and social events.

When you have been a cuckold for over 10 years or even a hotwife, it feels desirable to shed the discretion and accept all of yourself, your sexual desires and what works for your own marriage.

Out of town with another married couple. College friends of my wife. Their kids and ours. Visiting a mountain getaway in our state.

It turns out a sexual partner of my wife also stays in this mountain town where he works during the weekends and stays in a motor home at an RV resort.

Wanting to see each other. My wife decided she was going to tell the couple we were with that she was seeing a friend for a drink.

I thought logistically it seemed challenging.

She told me they would meet at 8pm, and she would be home 90 minutes later.

It didn’t seem abnormal or unreasonable for a wife to meet a friend out at 8pm and back at a time that I would consider to most still early in the evening. I agreed it would be okay.

The day went well 8pm came and my wife still had not left. She and he had pushed their meeting time to 9pm.

The couple we were with started asking questions. Who is she meeting? How does she know him? Where does he stay?

She told them he was a work friend. Not really a lie as they met working together. He was staying in a trailer park.

My insecurities were building and building. I didn’t like the conversations and felt humiliated as my wife did her hair and put on make-up. Clearly trying to look her best for him.

My insecurities and humiliation peaked when the other husband told her not to stay out too late with him or we all would stay up with worry. I could feel the sarcasm. Him knowing it was out of the ordinary for a wife with kids to go run off at night and meet a male colleague for a drink.

My wife didn’t do it on purpose. I felt humiliated. I couldn’t go through with it and she canceled at the very last minute.

My wife has a lot more courage than me. Accepts better all of herself, her desires and practices self-approval.

She asked if I really cared right before she canceled. I’m assuming she was asking if I cared if she went and fucked him.

The thing is, I don’t care if she fucks him. I am a cuckold. I shouldn’t say I don’t care. It is something I typically support and am turned on about. I love and care for her.

Me needing her to cancel and be with me had nothing to do with the guy she was going to see.

The situation in my head just had the unfortunate consequence of leaving another person stood up.

It is not ideal to do this to another person. I believe we made the right decision.

I feel if you are a man that is fucking another wife, it’s important to realize that you’re dealing with a married couple with a family, social obligations, children, etc. There will be times when play will need to be canceled or postponed because of the realities of life. I feel most men will always be sensitive to this, and never become angry about last-minute changes, cancellations, etc.

The realities of life are my wife at the time could not leave me in such an insecure state.

This experience has been emotionally hard on me thinking it through and what happens.

I have been living with sexual insecurities my whole life that have always negatively affected myself and others.

There are only a few people who know who I truly am. I had a great relationship with an older male when I was in my 20’s. He showed me things sexually about myself that only my wife has matched and done more.

They both, though, have experienced heartaches because of me not accepting myself. With him we would make sexual dates – we were never romantic, so when we saw each-other it was always sexual. I stood him up many times. Sometimes sitting in my car outside of his house. He finally had enough and stopped seeing me.

When I think about it aside from sexually trying to be someone, I am not. My whole positive sexual existence has hidden in the shadows of insecurity.

When I am at work, I am constantly making sure my pants are tight so the panties underneath are not showing to other people. It is a constant fear even though I love the feeling of the thong against my skin.

I have a hidden wardrobe of more female clothes than male clothes in my closet.

I enjoy wearing these clothes more than the male clothes I keep in front. I have female workout tops that I love and want to go run in, but don’t.

I have a wife that has fucked more men while we have been married than prior and I am proud of her. It turns me on. I want to support her in her own sexuality, yet I cower in a ball when it gets scary.

I have a small penis and I am happy about it yet too insecure to have a discussion with others that it works well for my wife and I for me to be a cuckold.

I’m bi-sexual and would drop to my knees to suck cock on command and still love and adore my wife more than the world. Only want to have a romantic loving relationship with her and still desire to make love to her every day. Yet besides the guys I have been with she is the only one who knows I am bi-sexual and bi or transgender.

I am not sure where my insecurities come from?

I do know I want to accept myself without humiliation. Accept all of myself. Love myself even with parts of me imperfect. Embrace that my femininity, my open relationship with my wife, me being bi-sexual are all parts of what makes me who I am and are actually wonderful parts of my life when I am not destructing them.

Give my self approval and not worry about what others may think. In this story of insecurity above, even if the couple thought my wife went out and fucked this guy. Really, they don’t know for a fact unless we told them. Give myself self approval and not harm others with my insecurities.

Develop trust in the moment. Learn that I’ll be okay. It will all unfold and all will be well. Shed me of the anxiety to face my insecurities, embrace my sexuality, the person in the shadows and outside them.