Navigating an Open Marriage

I was out on a morning bike ride when I got a text from my wife.

“I’m being naughty…”

I replied back – How’s that?

“Chris is out doing errands alone… I told him he could stop by. That okay? 💕💕

I was kind of annoyed. The minute I left the house giving her time alone she was already contacting this new guy I felt she had feelings for. She was supposed to be spending the time working out herself. I just wanted to work up a sweat and not think about my wife having sex in our house.

I replied: I guess so. Hopefully he can be respectful around the neighbors.

“I’ll be super discreet. But if you don’t want me to I can also not have him over. Anything is totally fine.”

I thought to myself she already invited him over and I can either tell her to cancel and be the asshole here or agree.

I replied back to her: It sounds like you already told him to come over. It’s fine but I’m probably not going to ride as long as I had planned.

“I only want him to stay for about a half hour”

Quickly the next text said “he’ll be here any minute”

There was no way I was going to continue my ride. I wanted to race to catch them. I was already anxious about her developing relationship with this man. It seemed more than a casual hook-up. I wanted to see it with my own eyes, not imagine what they were doing. My mind was racing. I knew I was at least a 1/2 hour away. I was also getting very turned on about the thought of a man in my house fucking my wife.

A half hour passed and I was still riding as fast as I could. 45 minutes and I was a few minutes from the house when the phone vibrated.

“Just left 💋 💋 hot quickie 😈

My wife and I have been in a non-monogamy relationship for 10 years. We have experimented and have had great experiences in swinging, cuckolding and her being a Hot Wife.

When I think of a Hot Wife I think of a married woman that can have casual sex outside of her marriage. Non-monogamy is any form of sexual or romantic relationship that does not require exclusivity.

When my wife and I opened ourselves to explore the world of non-monogamy, we opened ourselves to all kinds of new possibilities that I have spent years writing about in Love Cuckold Cravings. First on tumblr then creating this blog.

Overall our exploration has been exciting, I have found myself sexually and have worked through sexual shame, I have embraced my desires and my wife’s. It has been a wonderful journey with very little regrets and amazing rewards.

Some of our exploration has been intimidating.

I think overall we jumped in fast and have learned through trial and error.

When we started this journey it was based on my wife feeling sexual again after our first kid and my turn on of seeing my wife with other men. My cuckold cravings as well as her having casual sex with others even when I was not there.

There is nothing I love more than watching my wife in the middle of a hot sexual encounter with someone else. Seeing my wife experience pleasure brings me pleasure too! This is also the same as when I visualize and imagine what she is doing when out fucking another man. I even love watching the interactions she has with other men, the flirting, her being kissed and being touched. I have also written about the pain and pleasure of a cuckold relationship, how I like being sexually submissive and being a masochists.

I mentioned in my previous post about letting go of sexual shame. Our relationship has evolved. It is more loving and understanding than ever.

Most of the focus over the years has been about me!

I knew my wife needed more sexually, a woman who loves sexual variety. To be honest she is kind of a slut. She likes to have a lot of sex with different people. I am okay with that. No slut shame, I love this part of her and am attracted to it. So when we opened our relationship it was also about fulfilling her sexual needs while she stayed emotionally and intimately mine. We agreed that I accepted even desire her to sexually be open to others while emotionally and intimately more detached, that part only for us. A casual sex kind of deal outside of our marriage.

We have done a great job keeping our open relationship “casual” or “no strings attached”. There are many ways to do this to ensure there never is an emotional connection and if there is a chance of one cutting ties before it gets too serious.

At the end of the day though, sex is still and intimate act! Even with the best intentions and most progressive of beliefs you can’t prevent feelings from cropping up.

This part intimidates the hell out of me!!

It has been the source of a lot of angst and fear on my side. I never want to lose my wife, the person my love for is ineffable.

It has also caused me a lot of angst with the newest guy she has been seeing who she met at her co-working space. We have been doing this a long time and I could tell there was more of a connection with this guy than others in the past.

My wife shook it off and told me the week they started seeing each-other I always say this and it is something I need to work through. Cuckold angst.

Unlike others, she spent a lot of time with him on the first night. After sex they cuddled and talked then had sex again. She was out for hours where she normally would get fucked and rush home to be with me.

Then he left town and revisited. She wanted to see him every chance she could and he wanted the same.

They currently text daily, not just sexting but normal conversations like her and I have. They also have been talking on the phone through video chat regularly since they met. Again not just about sex, but life.

I have been doing my best to let it play out. Holding in my own insecurities, my own fears. Telling myself, yes maybe it is just a casual thing. If not it will play out and be done soon enough.

My wife and I were just on a family road trip and she was texting him without my immediate knowledge for a large part of our drive home. What was strange to me was later when I looked at their conversation she had texted him, “I made it home safely!”

As her husband I found this odd that she was checking in with another man to let him know she was home safe. It is me who keeps her safe with me she is home.

Then that same night she asked me to take sexy naked pictures of her. I happily obliged. Normally when we do these types of things we discuss the reason and typically it is to update our swingers profile or to text to another potential casual sex partner or just us having sexual fun.

She didn’t discuss her reasoning with me wanting me to photograph her, but I had an idea. It was confirmed when she asked if she could text him the images and waited for his reply while asking me to fuck her with a dildo.

She looked sexy as all hell fucking the big toy. Her pictures showed how sexy and beautiful her perfect body is. Her body, built to fuck. He loved the picture. I felt a disconnect though this night. That she was fantasizing about him without sharing it with me. That I was just doing the motions while she thought about him.

Normally that would turn me on…. I am a cuckold right. Normally she would be vocal about it, not in her own private thoughts.

I thought about all of this the following day and decided to bring it up to my wife. I am not sure why I chose the question. I think because he texted her about a lovense and the word love stuck to me. I will admit I didn’t like seeing it in her messaging even though I looked it up and found out it is a sex toy that you can control remotely from anywhere. Pretty cool except I am the only one that wants to give her love.

I was getting out of the shower and I asked her how she feels about polyamory relationships?

I don’t know too much about polyamory although I have been reading more about it. By basic definition it is the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved.

She was hesitant. She told me she likes the connection. She likes more than just having sex. More than casual sex. The relationship dynamic, the intimacy with the other guy. The texting, talking, flirting.

I don’t believe she has shared this with me before in this much detail. I knew she likes texting other men. It makes sense for most of the past 10 years it has been a lot about me, yes filling her sexual needs but also the cuckolding, the hotwife dynamic.

She asked me what my thoughts about polyamorous relationships are. I choked up. I felt the angst. I told her it is not something I’m into. That I liked the sex part. I like her fulfilling her and my sexual needs but for me it has been comforting knowing emotionally and romantically I give her all she needs.

I then asked her two other question. First has she gone to see him without telling me? She told me no, not being defensive at all. My reason for asking was that would feel like cheating to me and I just wanted to make that clear again, I did not suspect she had.

The second was is she falling in love with him?

She did not say no.

She hesitated.

She said she doesn’t even really know him. She feels a connection with him. Like a high-school crush.

We had a long and great conversation after over a glass of wine about her and my feelings. It ended with me telling her that it seemed like if she continues this relationship with him someone will get hurt. Probably him or me.

She laughed a little and ensured me it wouldn’t be me. She agreed and said it is probably best to end it though.

She also apologized and told me she knows this has all been outside of what we agreed to when deciding to open our relationship. She also thought she was emotionally looking for more of a connection because she is missing this from others during COVID-19. We have moved to a new town and making friends has been difficult. She acknowledged that it should start to get easier as our life gets back to somewhat normal and she meets more girlfriends.

She also assured me she never wants me to feel disconnected sexually with her and she didn’t feel that with me.

Best to end it. That is the safe call.

Today I am thinking about it though I don’t know if it is the right call?

First that was selfish of me to say it would be him or me who would be hurt. How about her? Her and I have not yet discussed that.

Asking her to end it might not be that easy for her. Clearly there is a connection and it may hurt her ending it today. Even down the line if she lost me or him that would also hurt her.

Also besides my angst this has been a healthy positive relationship she has had with him.

She has been open and honest to him about how much she loves me more than the world and she is not at all looking to replace that. She talks about me and our family with him in a positive way. She is not hiding anything from him. She even told him we went to a swingers resort where she fucked a handful of guys. That was a turn on for him. He also knows I take the pictures of her to send him and he thinks I am fun. I even texted him videos of me fucking her and he got off on it.

On the flip side. She has told me everything about him. There has been no lying, even in this open conversation about falling for him. She shares all her daily text she has with him with me. She does not delete any that I know of, even the ones she could assume would be challenging for me. She tells me she calls him, talks to me about their conversations and has asked my approval so far every-time she has seen him.

Her and my sex life right not is super hot. We are having more sex than we have had since COVID-19 began pretty much nightly and often multiple times a day.

She has been sharing a fantasy she has been craving of getting gang banged and that has nothing to do with him. She also set up a date with another past guy. So she still wants freedom and variety.

She has also had mind blowing incredible sex with him. He is more dominant than me. He is more endowed and fucks her differently and she loves how he and I both fuck her differently.

She is turned on.

She is happy.

She is confident.

This all makes her feel sexual and beautiful.

Not only that she has been extra affectionate, emotional and intimate with me. She has communicated very well how much she loves me and loves me more for allowing her to be herself. The same as her allowing me to be myself has deepened my love for her.

Although some of her daily texting and chat communications can be challenging for me they also hit that pain pleasure nerve that drives my cravings.

In business I learned a long time ago you have to have a mindset of abundance not scarcity. A scarcity mentality is seeing life as a finite pie, so that if one person takes a big piece, that leaves less for everyone else. This in business leads to running a company being reactive. It is not a successful place to be. An abundance mindset refers to the paradigm that there is plenty out there for everybody. With this mindset you can lead by being proactive which translates to better business success for everyone.

I have never looked at my relationships this way. Sure I know my wife’s sexual drive is plenty for everybody but how about her emotions and love?

Part of why she agreed to an open relationship might be more than just her liking to have a lot of sex with a lot of different people. Possibly her heart is slutty too. Or has grown to be.

Maybe one of her reasons is she has a lot of love to give. I know she sees the beauty and kindness and wonder in more that one person. This has been something that is attractive to me about her. I know she has communicated to me that our current open relationship sometimes can still feel restricting. That this knew relationship has felt freeing.

An abundance of love mindset definitely allows us to be better proactive with our own marriage and how we lead our open relationship.

I read a great article about this today.

“Imagine for a minute you are talking with your spouse. You two have been togeather for 10 years. You know everything about each-other, and there are no secrets between you. You tell your spouse that you’ve met someone new and you really like them and you feel like this new connection could become a really deep, meaningful part of your life.

Your spouses eyes well with tears and they ask you “How could you do this to me? I thought we loved each other! Now you want to run around with some other person? Am I not enough for you?

You tell them of course they still mean everything to you, you just want to be able to have more than one connection.

To this, they reply “you can’t have two partners! That’s not even possible. You must not want to be my spouse anymore. If you really care about me, you’ll end things with this person. “

Kind of sounds a little familiar also a mindset of scarcity.

The author continues:

Does that sound ridiculous? No?

Then how about this one:

“Imagine for a minute you are talking to your best friend. You two have been best friends for 10 years. You know everything about each-other, and there are no secrets between you. You tell your friend that you you’ve met someone new and you really like them and you feel like this new friendship could become a really deep, meaningful part of your life.

Your best friends eyes well with tears and they ask you “How could you do this to me? I thought we were best friends! Now you want to run around with some other friend? Am I not enough for you? You tell them of course they still mean a lot to you, you just want to be able to have more than one close friend.

To this, they reply “you can’t have close friends! That’s not even possible. You must not want to be my friend anymore. If you really care about me, you’ll end this with this friend.”

In the article the author writes I’m betting that many reading this feel the first example is more “reasonable” than the second, but they’re identical except for the label applied to the relationship.

I admit my wife sharing her heart with others can feel more intimidating than just wanting to share her body. I definitely struggle more with my wife wanting to be both emotionally intimate and physically intimate with someone else than just physically intimate.

As I mentioned there has been nothing unethical in this new relationship with open honesty on all sides.

Most of the rules people create are designed to protect them from their fears and insecurities. But no rule is ever going to legislate away these problems. They need to be faced head on. Discussed and understood and myself I need to be better at not having these fears and insecurities as my wife has done nothing wrong to cause them. They are internal. She has giving me her full trust and I need to continue to do the same for her.

I am not sure where this relationship will go with her and this new guy. If she will continue it still having an abundance of love to give to me or end it?

I do know this has been another door opening ourselves to new possibilities.