I was thinking about the topic of being highly sexual. After a google search I was amazed what the ‘Norm’ view of a sexual person is.
A person obsessed with sexual thoughts, urges, or behaviors that may cause distress or that negatively affects health, job or relationship. Other terms of being highly sexual include, Slut, Nymphomania and Satyriasis.
When I read about these “sexual terms” so much fit my own sexuality only they all put negative connotations to these words. Like having intense sexual fantasies, sexual urges and enjoying sexuality is bad!
In my last post No More Sexual Shame I wrote about how I need to let my sexual shame go. As my wife and I moved into and developed our cuckolding relationship, I chose to eroticize my shame. This was not healthy for either of us.
I would not take back anything we have done the last 10 years in our open marriage. I love how we learn from it with each experience and grow from it.
As a husband who has a sexual desire for his wife to have sexual freedom to enjoy really great sex outside of our relationship. I need to accept and feel comfortable that it is something that turns me on, something I fantasize. That even when it feels hard mentally knowing she is having sexual relationships with others I always crave more.
“Just like sexual orientation, you were born this way. You can’t stop it. You can’t change it. You owe it to yourself and your wife to embrace it and deal with it head on.”
Desire is something you wish or long for because it brings you satisfaction. Only you can know and say what makes you feel satisfied, happy, or fulfilled.
My wife has had a lot of sex in the last couple weeks including with other men. She developed a quick connection with this one guy at a co-working space. Had a week of flirting, at work adventure that ended with her fucking him twice that week.
We then had our own week of sexual adventure to return to him visiting our home town again for another week. He had already planned this trip prior to meeting my wife.
A long story short – he came to our house while I was gone for a few hours and fucked my wife in our bed. An impromptu meeting that my wife quickly notified me about. She also snuck off to him for a quick lunch time sexual play and with my permission she went and saw him on Friday night for a wild night of raw sex. She loves his thick cock! 3 times she went to see him in one week. It would have been more but I asked her to slow down which with love she complied.
I didn’t mentally process it all quickly enough to experience the sexual joy and pleasure I am from it today as well as over the weekend with my wife.
What I have learned though this time around is when I don’t accept and feel comfortable with my own sexual desires I am making her feel sexual shame by not being 100% in.
By biological nature my wife is wired to crave sex the same way I am to crave being cuckolded. I have given my wife permission and encouraged her to have sex with other men. Over 10 years she has experienced mind blowing sex from these encounters, and even prior to marrying me she has stories of most all positive sexual experiences. She is a sexual animal and is hard wired to seek out sex and to continue to do so. She does not want or desire to be in a monogamous relationship. I don’t desire that for her either. She is made to want , have, and enjoy sex. Sex with others and with me releases the feel-good hormones in her brain. She is a better person when she has this freedom.
It is great to be sexual – being sexual should be the norm.
As a husband I still impart challenges to her full sexual freedom but we both agree it is something we both strive for. Fitting into our life schedule her having sex with who ever she choses whenever she chooses. This is for her and my needs, desires and sexuality. Yes after 10 years of opening our marriage it is still a work in progress. We do it with absolute love for each-other and our relationships and it has had so many healthy benefits to both of us personally and to our relationship as a whole.
Opening our marriage has:
- Created a new level of honesty, trust and communication: All relationships need honesty to thrive. A cuckold, swinger, open relationship takes this to an entirely new level. You grow to trust your partner and your love for each-other more and more with each experience. To do so you must be open to communicate and communicate about everything. For a sexually progressive couple like us proper communication has helped build a solid foundation for the trajectory of our loving relationship. I read a quote – “couples must learn to communicate their feeling to their partners rather than gratify themselves elsewhere through unsafe or unhealthy practices.”
- A heightened Libido: After my wife is with another man or after we go to a swinger event we have more passionate sex. Even if I am having some angst, once we start having sex it is amazing. We can’t keep our hands off each other. We have sex multiple times a day. This will wear off than the flame will ignite again with another encounter. We have sex even without it but we have amazing sex with it. A heightened libido for both of us.
- It boosts confidence: As I mentioned in my last post No More Shame my recent experience at a swingers resort boost my confidence. It helped me realize I should not feel shame for my desires or for who I am sexually. For my wife when she is fulfilled sexually it boosts her confidence in her body and the confidence also shows up in our relationship, at her work, with our family and her relationship with herself. I like the fact that she is desired by other men and she loves to feel desired too! It’s very exhilarating
- It allows you to be sexually fulfilled: Repressing common, healthy sexual urges has been shown to result in infidelity, depression, substance abuse, and more. My wife can be fully sexually fulfilled because of all the reasons I have listed here but also have more whole sexual experiences. It addresses sexual inadequacies. My wife and I have a very loving relationship and have figured out how to have mind blowing sex with each-other. Not all couples do this and not enjoying sex with your partner or losing that flame may lead to infidelity. We chose a different path. My wife is a size queen, I am on the thin and small side. We can admit that. It is a sexual inadequacy in our relationship. Her first comment when returning from having sex with another man is “he is so thick”. She gets to experience that healthy sexual urge of wanting more. I get sexually fulfilled by my desires and turn on of her being with other men. Being sexually fulfilled as she deserves. Contributing through my approval and encouragement ensuring she is sexually fulfilled. The bigger picture for me is also claiming my own sexuality and being comfortable enough in my own skin to actually explore past sexual boundaries helping strengthen my sex life and foster my own personal growth.
- It’s kinky: What could be more kinky. It’s so naughty to watch another man fuck your wife or to be at home getting turned on by your wife fucking another man. It is also freaking hot for her knowing me her husband will kneel down and lick her pussy while another man fucks her or she will come home to me and I will lick her clean. I will still be her husband loving her and desiring her. What a power dynamic. It has also helped us take our fetishes to another level. Me enjoying sexual teasing, her being an exhibitionist as well as our feminization play with each-other.
- Your husband is your wing-man, side-kick in our case also BFF: I encourage my wife to play. I help her. I will purchase her outfits to wear to meet men. I even search and help her meet some men to have sexual encounters or longer term relationships with. For us with me also being feminine we talk about it like two girlfriends. We share each-others clothes, we play dress-up at home, I will take sexy pictures of her to text to guys. We joke about being sluts and loving cock. So we also empower each-other.
- It’s a form of masochism: I have also written about this in the past in The DNA Of A Cuckold and today am trying to figure out how it best fits while letting go of shame. I feel there is a lot of truth to this type of pleasure as I experience it myself. Masochism is taking pleasure in receiving pain. Me this is mental. This is a big part of cuckolding. Feeling pleasurable mental pain and humiliation. Society ‘needs’ men to be the dominant ones in hetero relationship. Many men like myself actually prefer submissive roles, and that’s celebrated, rather than frowned upon in cuckolding. It offers an erotic kind of humiliation. Even as I work to remove shame from my desires if my wife teases me about her wanting a real cock, a man’s cock or telling me a guy fucks her so much better it still gets myself rock hard. As well as her pushing boundaries and my comfort level like she did this last week with this new guy. I think this can be healthy if done correctly. I am sure there is a fine balance I am trying to figure out.
My wife is very sexual so am I. She has had many sexual partners other than me while we have been married. While we made love Saturday night, I could not help but feel proud of that fact. I thought about all them, thought about her having raw sex with this latest guy and it made me feel proud, happy, satisfied and fulfilled that I have a sexual wife. It is a deep love I have for her, my sexual goddess. I encourage you to embrace being sexual.
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Once a cuckold, always a cuckold.