I think my true acceptance of myself happened when I started crossdressing openly at home, first wearing panties and then full women’s outfits. Coming out to my wife and having her support, love and help to make me feel as fem as possible when in this mode.
Like cuckolding this fetish was in me prior to any name I had given it. We are humans after all and we love labeling everything. This particular fetish is called a Sissy fetish. A man who likes to wear female attire. They like to feel like what a woman would feel like, though they do not necessarily have aspirations to truly become a woman, they just love the naughtiness about the whole idea. They are usually submissive and many consider themselves bi-sexual, they are usually into being dominated by females. They are not usually homosexual in the true sense of the word but there certainly no issues if they were.
It comes down to being more feminine, a submissive sissy likes to be ordered about and told to do things that are naughty.
When I first introduced the fantasy to my wife about cuckolding/hotwife, I knew that I was extremely turned on by the idea of her having sex with other men and being free to have sexual relationships with anyone and however many people she wanted. I knew I was even willing to have a wife who went out on dates while I stayed home and took care of the kids and house. BUT with that came a lot of angst, it did not seem right to me that I would have these desires, it seemed kind of fucked up from what I believed to be normal.
I spent years trying to understand myself and this part of me. I wrote thousands of tumble post about it and the thoughts that were going through my head. It was my obsession because at the same time it was and still does turn me on every day thinking about it.
On the flip side when I put on women’s panties, tried my wife’s clothes on, there was no angst, I was doing it on my own, it did not require the participation of anyone else, there was no way it could hurt anyone, certainly my wife could have called me a Fag, got upset and left me. No she loves me and is supportive.
Then there is the bi-sexual component. Also causing me angst and confusion from when I was younger and experimented with the same sex. This I was able to leave in the past, I married my beautiful wife, I can look at her all day and she turns me on. Beautiful and attractive. Leaving it behind in my youth though also turns out that I missed out on 15 years of fun I could have been having getting face fucked!!! OMG, I will get into this later. So this leads into my acceptance.
This is all who I am, I can’t ignore it, I can’t really explain it. I have been this way for a long time. It is not a phase I am going through. Me being turned on when my wife is with other men, enjoying being submissive, loving wearing panties, putting on a corset, a bra, towering stilettos and stockings to relax. Waxing my body to feel sexy and feminine.
I have realized that understanding why I am the way I am is a puzzle without a solution. I can’t answer this no more than I can explain why I prefer coffee over tea. I just like what I like. I am who I am. I have been extra blessed to have a wife who is supportive and loving to this and often encouraging. She really got a lot when marring me!
Understanding why we are who we are is overrated, anyway. I spent so much time trying to comprehend why this is a part of me when as my wife told me from the beginning it’s not something that needs to be understood. Rather, it is more vital to accept, and then embrace this side of myself.
So I have accepted that this is who I am, I am finally at peace with knowing that I will never change. This is not a phase, this is not something I can or will ever outgrow or move on from. I have tried. I closeted my love for sucking cock, I deleted tumblr blogs I created about cuckolding and hotwife desires. I’ve had angst that has caused my wife to pull back all to have these desires all over again and again.
So as I have embraced my kinky self, my wife made a date with a regular guy we have been seeing for the last year this past weekend. I knew we would be having a threesome, I knew I would be sucking his cock and licking his cum from my wifes pussy by the time the night was over. I decided to not think about it, question it and just enjoy that I desired it. I remember getting upset the last time the three of us were together because I felt like I needed to feel humiliation for this to be okay. I didn’t want to feel humiliation, I just wanted to feel it was okay and accept that it is sexually what I desire.
So while they were out to dinner, with my body smooth, I put on a new pair of sexy Victoria Secret panties, hot pink short shorts over my chastity devise and sent them a picture. I have known he Fantasized about seeing me in chastity while he had my wife but I was always to self conscious to allow it. My wife says the picture gave him a thrill. I did unfortunately change out of my female hot shorts into guys shorts before they returned. I was just a little worried if it was going to be too much for him. I decided to leave the panties and cage on though another first when joining my wife for a cuckolding experience.
I got so much pleasure watching him fuck my wife so well with his big cock. Yes she screams so much more, orgasms so much harder, begs him to fuck her so much more than when I fuck her and I love it! I got so turned on in my chastity devise. I was not just an innocent bystander either, I licked her pussy, sucked his cock and balls, I want all in and it was for me one of the best MMF threesomes to date. When I got permission to take the cage off I was SO hard, harder than I can remember being in years, especially in front of someone else other than my wife. Usually I get a little timid in threesomes and have a hard time staying erect. Not this night. This night I also enjoyed double penetrating my wife with him, both in her pussy, one in her pussy, one in her ass. There were so many highlights to this naughty night.
Aside from my wife being so thoroughly pleasured by two men, one of my favorite parts is when my wife told him “You should face fuck my cuckold husband”. I have never been face fucked and I don’t think I have ever even face fucked anyone. If you are a bi-sexual, crossdressing, submissive cuckold…… well I guess you don’t need the cuckold part, I do, you need to feel the joys of being face fucked. Having your mouth used by cock, thrusting in and out as you choke on it, as is pushes down your throat bringing tears to you eyes. This is what it is like to be fucked like a woman. Penetrated by an alpha male with a perfect cock. An absolute amazing feeling. I think back even when I experimented bi-sexuality, I never was face fucked, yet if I had accepted how much I love cock in my mouth I could have been experiencing this for years. Well you can’t turn back time so now hopefully I get to experience it again with my wife’s loving support. Delightfully submissive fun.
With acceptance I get to be happier about who I am, my wife and I get a lot more clothing because I absolutely love shopping for women’s clothing, something I have enjoyed my whole life. I will most likely get cuckolded more and I will most likely suck more cock, maybe get fucked by cock. So my wife will get fucked more and better and so will I. We call that a Win Win! I get to enjoy my submissive sexual side with the love of my life.
Sometimes it takes time but acceptance and coming out truthfully often leads to better relationships.